This blog be on holiday

Posted on December 27th, 2007 by Richard Catto 1,009 views

Hold all complaints, love letters, spam & swear words til next year because the Editor has been kidnapped and will be ransomed for R250 000. All proceeds will be sent to SheBee who needs the money in order to pay for manicures and leg waxings.

Be safe, be fun and be you!

Filed under Bizarre, Business opportunity | 3 Comments »

In a perfect world:

Posted on December 17th, 2007 by Richard Catto 1,748 views

Jacob Zuma and all the rest of his uneducated and ignorant supporters would be cured of AIDS by having a shower
Manto would be able to drink alcohol to her hearts content without it affecting her brand spanking new liver and then heal any ailments by eating beetroot.
Nelson Mandela would live to be 100 years old
3^rd degree would actually make sense sometimes and not just be a TV show with a presenter full of attitude
Tokyo Sexwale would be voted in as president and not jump on JZ’s band wagon like he has done
Neledi Pandor would have more of an effect on the department of education and 2008 matriculates would have a higher standard of pass rate

These things are highly likely to not ever happen. So what do we do instead? Some of us ignore the issues going on around us (like I do), some of us write political articles (such as this one) in the hopes of creating some awareness, some of us kick up a fuss and down our country at every opportunity, and a lot of us plan to make a difference, tomorrow. For most of us, tomorrow never comes.

What is the solution?

Immigration for those of us who can’t handle “third worlding” any longer. That way, you will solve your problems, and eliminate a small amount of negativity from our country.

If immigration is not for you, support our government as far as possible, without compromising our morals. Don’t become another negative statistic that aids all the corruption, dishonestly and crime factors.

Vote in the election. Have your say. Your opinion does count. Imagine if 20 000 other people also stayed at home that day and thought the same insecure thought ‘it won’t make a difference if I vote or not”.

We are South Africans. Yes, there is too much crime. Yes, rape is inhumane and unjust. Yes, there is corruption more deep rooted than even we know about. There are far too many cons of being in this country.

But there are a lot of pros too, that sometimes we overlook or dismiss as unimportant.

This is South Africa. In less than 13 years, look how far we have come. We have won two world cups, we’re hosting another in two years, black people are now licensed to be human and do what whiteys have long taken advantage of, such as going to watch a movie at ten o’clock at night, or shopping in the same malls, or drinking from a tap in a public bathroom.This is an enormous change!

When I go abroad to travel, I’m looking forward to defending my country and setting the record straight “Not only do we not have lions as pets, we also have malls with electricity, we have streets of tar, we have multi racial schools, sports events that involve every single South African citizen, we have local productions on TV that are worthy of International broadcasting, such as Isidingo, or the Oscar winning movie, Tsotsi, which was remarkable to watch”.

I am proud to call myself South African. You should be too.

Tags: Politics
Filed under Education, Ex-pat South African, Health, Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, Parliament, Sheena Gates, South Africa, Statistics, White South Africans, electricity | 29 Comments »

Yahoo’s brand new WordPress plugin is being shown the finger by bloggers

Posted on December 16th, 2007 by Richard Catto 1,913 views

Yahoo very recently announced the beta release of their new Yahoo shortcuts plugin for WordPress.

This I got to know of via shoemoney’s rather scathing review of it and of various WordPress personalities.

Jeremy Shoemaker’s blog is a joy to read because he isn’t a suckass uptight wannabe pseudo intellectual blogger who spends 90% of his day kissing the asses of his online buddies and the other 10% trying to sound all intellectual by using obscure words that have most people either reaching for a dictionary or clicking the back button.. This I see too much of in the South African Blogosphere. Pretentiousness. It’s a creeping disease amongst the weak and spineless. Don’t go there. Be yourself. Be normal. FFS!

The Shoemoney blog was listed by Adii as a must read for Web 2.0 professionals, whatever the hell that is. I’m just an ordinary blogger. Web 2.0 is just yet another meaningless buzzword, although not the worst. The most pretentious and most inane phrase I’ve heard in connection with bloggers is "New Media Evangelist".

What the fuck is a new media evangelist!? Do these people go around knocking on doors asking if they can pray with you for your web shite, that it may be saved?

"Let WordPress In! Let Him In! Oh Mighty Laawd, let WordPress In!"

I think I’ll take a hot cup of cocoa with a gaggle of Mormons anyday over that bullshit.

Now cunning Yahoo has dumped this oh so impressive plugin on the WordPress blogging community obviously with the hope of getting rave reviews and… the reverse has happened.

Why?

Because they’re pulling moves, and their ulterior motives are so blatant, that it has led to many bloggers taking offence. So far, most of them seem to be American bloggers. I just bet the many obsequious South African bloggers are already laying out their prayer mats so they can get down on their knees to kiss Yahoo butt come Tuesday.

Yahoo enlisted one of WordPress’ famous developers, Alex King, to write their Yahoo shortcuts plugin. He has done a pretty good job for Yahoo. I’ve installed the beta release on this blog, and I’ve used it to add pictures to many of my blog posts, including many older posts in my archives.

That is the one feature that HAS received the thumbs up from most bloggers. The plugin does an excellent job of integrating flickr into WordPress so that one can find a suitable image which is hosted on flickr, and insert it into your blog post without much fuss at all.

It is what the rest of the plugin does that is not so kosher. Yahoo analyses your post for keywords and then automatically links them to various Yahoo resources, many of which appear to be commercial in nature, WITHOUT REMUNERATING THE BLOGGER.

They’re offering a T-shirt to anyone who installs the plugin. And you have to be resident in the United States. They must be insane. Yahoo’s plugin effectively inserts text link adverts into the blog post without paying the blogger. Sure, you can remove them, but what the fuck was Yahoo thinking?

Yahoo must own an enormous pair of BRASS BALLS to risk offending bloggers like this. They’re already down in the search game – I mean, I like NEVER use Yahoo to search for anything. Yahoo is so stupid. What is it that most bloggers want most of all?

MONEY from their blogs.

Google understood this and gave bloggers Google adsense adverts. It has not been smooth sailing for them. Google has alienated many bloggers with their harsh policies around alleged click fraud. So there is an opportunity for someone to step in and save the day for bloggers by giving them a cool new blog toy that helps them make some money from their writing.

Instead Yahoo has come in and low-balled bloggers with their "free plugin" and offer of a T-shirt, but no money.

SHOW US THE GODDAMNED MONEY, YAHOO!

Or go home.

Don’t try and take advantage of us. Show some respect for bloggers. We put in a heck of a lot of hard work, spilling our sweat and blood and tears into our writing, and many of us would like to get something tangible back from that.

So, still no white knight for bloggers has appeared on the horizon. But surely, some day one will come for us? Surely?

Tags: Alex King, monetize blogs, Plugin, WordPress, yahoo
Filed under Plugin, yahoo | 2 Comments »

Sometimes life just doesn’t seem THAT bad

Posted on December 14th, 2007 by Richard Catto 1,387 views

This year alone has probably been one of the toughest on me. Without going into details and boring you, I have literally been pulled through a bush backwards, experienced death, moved in on my own, learnt to change light bulbs, crashed my car more than once, been broken into, fallen off a horse, flushed my phone down the toilet, spilled coffee over my feet and decided to change my entire life as I know it and go overseas.

I have also made great friends, gotten to know very special people, eaten every single day, had a warm bed at night and a loving family and close knit of friends to talk to, give and recieve comfort from.

Do you think the street kid on the corner can say the same thing? Do you think when he stands outside on a cold night looking up at the father christmas lights on the pole, he thinks of receiving presents and drinking eggnog?

When her child is lying in ICU, after being hit by a drunken driver do you think the mother, who is on her knees begging for the tears to stop, is thinking about what the best looking flower arrangement should be on the table that night?

Some shop owners are wondering how they will be able to pay their staff a full salary this month, let alone a bonus, do you think they are worried about how your million rand sales figures are being printed in todays paper?

The ghost of christmas past, present and future visited me in my dreams last night.

Despite life being sometimes cruel, we are luckier than we sometimes let ourselves believe. I know I wouldn’t want to swap shoes with the homeless, the battered, the dead or even the dying.

Today, I am glad to be me.

Filed under Being Human | 7 Comments »

“Fuck off, you bloody kaffir!” the white racist bitch said

Posted on December 12th, 2007 by Richard Catto 8,381 views

So this past weekend some 41 year old white "lady" from Sea Point told a fellow South African who happened to be black to "fuck off, you bloody kaffir!" because he dared to get in her way on an escalator at the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront.

The V&A security people intervened and suggested to the woman that she apologise but she declined their invitation so they took her to the Table Bay police station where she was arrested for crimen injuria. She paid a R150 admission of guilt fine and was released. Case closed and the cops refuse to indentify her. So we don’t know this racist white bitch’s name. Why the fuck not!?

I have some questions for you, dear reader. Please indulge me your answers to the following: